Just like the shepherd in Paulo Coelho’s Alchemist, he was an avid omen spotter. His senses were fine tuned to detect objects, sounds, and experiences that may qualify as omen (good or bad). A pious religious symbol, idols of deities, articles of worship ritual, sounds of prayer etc were good omen whereas flipped slippers, a sneeze, lost gold, bad dreams, vultures etc. representation of bad omens. Raised in a religious household in a predominantly Hindu country, a lot of what constituted omens was determined by the customs, traditions, and norms of that time. He held on to these beliefs and they became a source of both gloom and elation for him. 

The mental process was almost always the same. As soon as he come upon an omen, his mind reflexively linked the last thought that preceded the detection with a good or a bad prospect. If it’s a good omen he spotted and his last thought was a wish or a yearning, it meant a positive forecast. It meant the divine power has communicated its approval of the wish.  Similarly, a bad omen signified a negative possibility. Omens started dictating the mood and motivation, the state of happiness and despondency through the day. Oftentimes, these detections proved irrelevant when omens followed a trivial or routine contemplations such as “What should I prepare for dinner?” or “How much money I spent today?”. In that case, his omen was wasted, and he repented not having wished for something.  

Omens were language of God, a medium for them to communicate with him, a medium he devised. Growing up in a household where explanation to all that transpired was a result of divine resolution, he decided to strike a friendship with this omniscient and omnipotent entity. He began having internal conversation with this supreme being knowing they can hear. Although a silent stance on their end was frustrating.  Therefore, he found the way to force a response by attributing omens to be their language. He started sharing his thoughts, feelings, doubts, and concerns and it responded in omens, or at least he forced it to. In this way he forged a one-sided delusional relationship with the almighty. 

But like any other forced relationships, this one proved volatile at best and sometimes vicious too. In the moments of acute despair when he yearned for a response in omen, all he got was a cold shoulder, a mean silence. He was often found trying to procure sympathy of the almighty by contemplating his hardships and heartaches hoping it will do right by him or bring him justice. But it simply did not care; it only liked teasing him with occasional mementos of omen. And he treasured those moments convincing himself of its participation thereby reinforcing his illusion. He, like an obsessed lover tirelessly pursued and pleased it with the hope of winning its favour and perpetual companionship. 

He did try to walk away and finish off this toxic relationship but could barely manage a day growing restless and hopeless in its absence. He needed its false assurances to get going because coming to terms with the fact that existence is nothing but a meaningless interplay between innumerable random events and innumerable possible outcomes was too true to be internalised. He was not ready for that. Therefore, he chose deluded possibility over the gore reality and continued hunting for omens.